You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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