White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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