Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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