There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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