the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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