I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
