I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
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you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
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You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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