The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
