Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
