But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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