Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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