my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
