I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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