Just fell off a train. Bad.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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