I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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