plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
