I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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