Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You took a bar mat shot.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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