I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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