You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
