So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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