its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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