i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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