when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so explain again why im purple
no
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
