Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
