I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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