Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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