you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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