you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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