so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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