She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
