She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
