I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
