Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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