my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
