I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
