I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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