I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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