We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
