i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
