My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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