this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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