just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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