So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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