"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
