Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
