The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
