Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
they need to just BURY HIM!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
