I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
