You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All I want is dick and wine.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
