ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
