Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
