I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
