You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
