I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
