turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
