i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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