sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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