So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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