so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
