hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
