i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
