I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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