But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
