You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
