I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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