I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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